Post Copenhagen blues

(some time to think is too much time to think)
So the downside of going from a job which fills as many hours of every day as it can to one which is constricted to normal working hours (by plan, not because there isn't plenty more to do) is that I now have far too much time to think.
Stupidly, I have not decided to fill my spare brain power with reality tv, but with launching myself back into thinking about everything and reading. And it's getting me really down. I guess that's the real reason most people don't do this very often.

(Copenhagen blues)
Perhaps this is also the post-Copenhagen blues. There's a gap that's waiting to be filled for a lot of people I suspect. We launched ourselves into emergency measures for  the run up to Copenhagen and then didn't manage to put out the fire. We're standing far away enough that we can't feel its heat yet, but we do  know we failed to put it out, and we're still heading towards it. And it's going to hurt a lot of people. And we're not quite sure what our new tactic should be. We're unsure how we feel now that we have to rethink last years line of Copenhagen being our only chance. And we're also still exhausted, and feel like doing something other than fighting fires. But I didn't mean to start trying to describe Copenhagen like this. I just know that structurally, it has quite a lot to do with my mood.

(Avatar - spoiler alert. And you should see it in the cinema if you haven't yet)
Even a couple of hours of hollywood escapism only deepened the sadness I'm feeling about how we treat our environment and our people. I thought most of the film was brilliant - pure entertainment, stunning to look at, and made you feel the outrage of a people being needlessly destroyed for resources in the kind of uncomplicated way we should feel about such a thing. But the ending left me slightly cold  - too much fighting - largely against one bad guy. I 'preferred' the bits where we knew it was the much bigger and less easily shot at powers of greed  and commerce, and all the machine gunning grunts were just unthinking parts of something that for some societal reason they didn't question. Much truer than it all coming down to one nutty evil army guy. If only James Cameron had had the guts to eek out the Native American references a little bit further.... after nearly wiping out the natives they could have ended up in 'reserves' having the toxic waste products of whatever treasured material was being mined under that tree dumped into their tiny bits of land and making them ill whilst humans took over the whole planet and claimed it as their own. That's why the ending didn't work for me - no-one could possibly believe that humans wouldn't be back with a bigger army. Thank god for the love story - at least there's one happy ending I could enjoy. (no comments about that please - I'm a girl - I question the fight scenes and wholeheartedly go along with the idea that a man who can't walk would still be a catch for a big blue sexy alien princess)

(what to do next)
last year was good - we had certain goals to aim for and acheived certain things and there wasn't any time to stop and question them. It was good to be part of something really positive, inspiring and fighting. Now, I feel like I can't abandon this campaigning anger that has taken root in me but I do need to reestablish some of where I was at before. Refind my belief in the arts and the good things in life because today, it doesn't feel like it's worth fighting to save humanity. Though I don't see why we should bring down the rest of the planet with us.

blimey. imagine what I'd be writing if I'd gone to see second choice movie, The Road?!
this by the way is why I haven't really blogged since Copenhagen. My mood has been too restless and upset.


I'll pick back up again, don't ya worry, that's what makes the human spirit a brilliant thing and I know it. But it's going to take finding something, and I'm not quite sure what.